I certainly didn’t intend for this to be an “annual” blog. Yet, it’s been over a year since my last post. I sometimes borrow the title from Madeleine L’Engle’s much loved children’s book, A Wrinkle in Time, when I want to excuse myself for taking so long to get in touch with someone. So let’s just say there’s been a wrinkle in time and it’s really only been, say, a month. Perhaps the whole point is that it really doesn’t matter. There is no “time” in the cosmic realm of life. Yet, in this particular case, all squirming aside, it truly does matter. It matters as long as I’m living in this skin, walking the earth with the heart-pulsing desire to live true to my soul.
I read A Wrinkle in Time twenty years ago during a vacation to New Mexico. I read it along with the other two books in L’Engle’s famous trilogy. She was a prolific writer and did not feel right unless she was writing. I have not felt “right” for the past year. I feel right when I write, when I create, when I sing, when I live my life according to the truth of my soul. Yet, I get busy with other work, allowing distractions, and not allowing for what matters most. This is unfortunately, a common narrative.
I could say that it’s not been a total disaster. Over the past year, I’ve worked on a few chapters of my book-in-the-making, started a new painting and practiced my songs in the shower. Yet, it doesn’t take a sage to see that this has been mere dabbling, not devotion. Not the aspired commitment to the calling of my soul. And I must fess up for fear of being a fraudulent missionary in my quest to “inspire the freedom of heart through the arts.” We teach what we need to know and I’ve been well aware of the need to free my own wild heart. My double-Leo-inner-lioness is still pacing back and forth waiting to be free. She’s certainly become more free over the years. She’s now in one of those compassionate zoos with the natural barriers, rather than behind bars. However, she wants total freedom—in the wild—and will not be fully at peace until she lives according to her inner authority and not according to the rules of the zoo master or for the appeasement of others.
In my Mastering Your Energy class, I talk about awareness as the first step to mastering your energy—for feeling centered and balanced in body, mind and spirit. Without awareness of ourselves we can’t really know what’s needed for our well-being. In fact, simply being aware, without judgment, is healing. It’s important to catch those moments of self-judgment. Otherwise, they cause further constriction, continuing to throw us off balance, interfering with inner peace and truthful living.
So, whilst I am aware of the dabbling efforts of my writing, versus the full-hearted flow of devotion, I remind myself to exercise compassion, allow the seasoning of my soul, and trust my journey, no matter how circuitous. Life is intricate and full of mystery. It’s quite likely, that as I travel on into the unknown, there may well be a few more wrinkles in time.